Poetry Exchange

"In an embrace, she says for the second time that this isn't a favor. Because she wanted to. Two beautiful people that probably won't have much more than this sink into each other over and over. They become one for countless minutes until neurons explode like colorful sensory fireworks, and now they bowth feel more than they are. But only because of this. Every action, particulary this one act, reestablishes a numb-free feeling of love and godliness." - Alex Brown, 2008

"Ages people have wondered about what there might be in the space they can't touch. They tell tales of splendor and majesty so grand that faith is the only ground left to stand on, the story becomes more than a story, and they forget where it began. They have all lost sight of what is before them. They have forgotten that it has always been a part of them. We can touch the strings of the universe. The lucky among us can even wrap our hands around it for a short time...but the immense power beyond is too much for our fragile frames to withstand. We feel absolute glory, rapture, and ecstacy, it is wholly intoxicating...and then we have to fall into a trance as our bodies are rattled by the aftershocks, reverating while we try to regain our breath." - Nicholas Doyle, 2008

NOC

Night-Owl-Club, Welcome Aboard. Bedtimes are at 7-8a.m. Thank you for participating.

It's interesting how I manage to find ways of avoiding things that I want to do. I've had this book sitting at arm's length, and I've been meaning to read it for a few hours now. Multiple conversations have kept me from my goal, but I wonder if it's all intentional on my part? Perhaps I just like the feeling of a slight pressure in the opposite direction. I feel like the need to be elsewhere creates a certain sort of appeal to being here. I've noticed the same thing happening a lot with video games, which is kind of awesome. I like how I'll want to play a game, but I'll end up doing important things, instead. Maybe I should just start throwing in little things for me to think that I'm going to do, just so I'll do other things that I need to do.

So much to do, so much to say, so much to see... and I'm getting tripped up at the doorway.

I had some new friends over for the first time last night, and that was wonderful. They were great fun to talk to, and we've got a great deal of common interests. They even have sleep schedules as horrible as my own! I feel this may be the dawning of some interesting times to come. I'm so full of excitement and vigor...but that always happens this time of the morning. Don't know why, exactly. Some sort of energy rises from the earth and gives special powers to those awake enough to receive them, and I'll gladly take them.

But enough talk! I've got a book to finish, put in a box, and send far away from here. More on the book later.


I like the little "teeth" reflection.

Today's Highlight: Samantha finally came to town and gave me a haircut. It was becoming very necessary, as I believe that last one I had was in July. I've got a few before shots, and we should be taking some afters tomorrow, which I'm pretty pumped about. I love modeling.

Poetry Exchange, 12-11-08

"We flip our sense of being to the back of our brain. The world shifts and twists with the light as our view of everything we soak in twists about itself. We realize that which we see is not real (only to us), and that which we seek is at our fingertips." - Alex Brown (Dec 2008)

"It starts on the fringe, the most distant point, tracing a winding, crooked path over countless terraces as it seeks to find an entrance, searching desperately for solace, for sanctuary, for shelter... but we've shut the doors. Obliviousness harbors Oblivion. When the day finally comes that we stop looking so far across the sea for what we desire and finally find it all around, the walls will fall, and it will flow through us. It will course in us, soothing with a comfort we never expected to attain. It will pour through us, as something luminous, enlightening. It will begin at our fingertips, and we will end on our knees." - Nicholas Doyle (Dec 2008)

Hog Roast

A friend of mine is moving to Australia in a week, and when I asked what he would like to do for a going away party, he asked if we could roast a whole hog. I realize that he was delirious from pain medication from having his wisdom teeth removed, but when had delirium ever held me back from an adventure. I think we're in for something either incredible, or terrible. I can't wait.

Today's Highlight: Two exams down, four to go! I think the accounting went fairly well, luckily.

Uneven Flow

I feel like I have moving through a strange curve of events, that are leading to places that I am, quite frank, a little confused about. I manage to find myself in these intriguing situations time and again, and the difficulty I am met with is making sense of knowledge from the last to apply to the present. I'm just hoping it will flow back in naturally, and I'll be able to make the most of it.

Why do I write so cryptically in a journal meant to remind me of things years down the road? Maybe I'm not so intent on remembering.
Speaking of which, I was coasting across my old Xanga this morning in hopes of finding a recipe, which I was unable to located. I did, however, noticed that for a while I had this trend of posting a daily highlight. I think that's something I should get back into. It would keep the days from fading away. The objective is to make them unique, to remind yourself that every day is different, and brings something new. The problem is with blogging in the middle of the day, when new and wonderful things can still happen. I wonder if that would make the optimal writing time just before you go to sleep?

Today's Highlight: We're getting better at Halo 3. Long has it been since our Halo days, but Chris has (perhaps inadvertently) brought it back to us. And now, we hunger for battle constantly.

It's just a state of mind.

It's like every word I'd ever heard was bouncing around in my head, echoing in a massive, empty room that only I stood in. So many of their words I choose to ignore, thinking I knew better, that I had a grasp and control of this situation. I've played the pawn to my desires. I'm weak to it, and I let go; thinking, perhaps, that I would get some joy or ecstasy out of it...but it never works out that way. It always comes back to where it began, and the error of your ways sits before you, and you've got a choice of trying something different...but you don't do it, do you. Insanity. That's what we are. That's what I am. Insane to expect different outcomes from the same approach. Insane....huh....Sadly not as surprising as it should be.

Vacation is Over

I feel like I haven't done anything in days. I've spent too long at the condo, getting too relaxed. I've got so much work, so many things to do that I just have not addressed. That's the problem with my airy attitude: nothing bothers me, even the fact that I'm not getting my work done. But what did I do?

Tuesday...oh yeah, I voted. And I did my homework that morning before class. Maybe I wasn't as lazy as I thought. I had some trouble locating the voting center, as I rode past the road that connected to it. It was much more bike ride than I had bargained for, but it was worth it, of course. Oxford is so hilly, and my bike's gears are all messed up. My chain ring is sort of ghetto-rigged and the increments on my cassette are all messed up, so the chain falls off if I shift into the lowest gearing. Isn't that awesome? You'd think I'd fix it. You'd think I'd fix a lot of things immediately, given my philosophy...but we can't always be true to our thoughts.

Wednesday : I watched Fern Gully : The Last Rain Forest. I've had bad experiences with re-watching movies from my youth, but this went incredibly well. I also wanted to cook a movie themed meal, and decided that smoke would be the best flavor to make the connection. For that, I decided some planked fish would be the way to go. That, of course, need not stand alone. I spent quite a while trying to think up and prepare the ingredients, as they called for a few hours of prep. I went exploring town for a plank to use, and I found a wonderful little specialty store called "Mississippi Madness" It is located on the square and opens to a selection of locally crafted pottery, which was interesting, but not what I was after. I took a trip to the back and saw a sign that read "Culinary Gadgets and Gizmos Downstairs". Sounds like my place! I went down to find a treasure trove of customary tools that I didn't know were available in town. And to think, I practically found it by accident (I was referred by a guy from the lumber yard that didn't have what I needed).

I feel like what I'm writing is pointless. Am I writing just to write? Does it really matter?

So, perhaps it wasn't quite as uneventful as I'd suspected...but now it is time to focus, for the is much to be done.

I used to wait for goodbye.

Now I walk away.

For Memory. For Pleasure

Why is it that I can never convince myself to set aside time to do the things I enjoy? What sort of foolish behavior is it that we deprive ourselves of the things we enjoy so that we can, what, accomplish things? What are you accomplishing if you are not taking care of yourself first?

I'll bet that even if I knew the answers to all of this, I wouldn't be any closer to writing consistently. So, let's just go with what we've got today, hmm?

I like the days that I tamper with my alarm clock a bit while I'm still asleep. When I'm lost in a place between waking and sleeping, and I'm not quite sure what the thing actually does, or what it's many possible uses could be. It's been so many things that I can't remember, and has given me some of the best moments of sleep. That said, I'd still rather do without it. I'd much rather just go to bed early enough.

So I continued to slumber off and on until I got a phone call. Daphne, from the University Counseling Center? The last ticket to the Jordan Table? You're darn right I want it! SOLD!

A shower, clothing selection, bike ride and confused campus-map-search later I was headed off to my next meeting with a ticket in my hand that I thought was all but lost to me. The event had been fully reserved, you see. I came to find later that the venue was impossibly small.

The Study Abroad office was the next destination. A meeting with a master had been arranged, and the beginnings of my journey were laid out on the table. There is much to be done, and much to look forward to. Let's hope it comes to fruition.

Back to The Lounge to print a resume for my next meeting, which I would come to find later would not be upheld by the alternate party. Back in the present, I desired food. Kathleen seemed like a good choice for a lunch buddy, and with her recent surgery, she'd have something to talk about. She arrived and I set a course for soup, bread bowl required. McAllister's was the name of the game, Potato for me, Chicken and Dumplings for her. I was the fool, she was the victor. I helped he write up a contract to make her flaky roommate pay her bills. Don't people get paid a lot of money to do this stuff? That's what friends are for, though, right?

So I rush to the Career Counseling Meeting, a requirement of my Marketing class, and an interesting event in itself, and my advisor fails to show. So, I set about the crunch to finish the Accounting homework I'd yet to do, due in an hour. Luckily, he takes it up at the end of class - Which is a horrible idea. I know I'm not the only person that sometimes does the work in class and pays no attention to what he's saying. But I prefer to do it before, so I can type it and print it. Alas, I've days of laziness abound.

Calculus. Third Exam. I either got the last two tricked me. They're the only ones I might have missed. I kind of can't believe how good I've gotten at this stuff. I always told myself I couldn't do 'crazy stuff like calculus'. Funny, how your mind works around things you don't understand, blowing them out of proportion... and then with explanation comes ease.

I was given some shoddy directions to the Jordan Table event. SARAP Tea House. I was given an address that claimed to be in another city as far as gmaps was concerned. "Past the car lot headed toward Batesville" she said. This information is:
-Vague
-Wrong

After searching up and down the highway for 15 minutes, I decided to stop in a Chevron and ask for some assistance in locating the mirage. He had no idea where it was. 15 more minutes of driving around, and I find the building directly behind the Gas Station. Thank you, knowledgeable fellow.

I arrived alone, not being able to bring any friends, so the first step was to find a table with someone that would provide for interesting conversation. This proved very easy, as a Brazilian woman nearby was saying some amusing things. One in particular I recall. She was telling a friend of hers that she needed a boyfriend, because it's time for "Winter, Wine and Boyfriend" No, Wait: "Wine, Winter and Boyfriend. Yes." She later mentioned to me that I should get a girlfriend to go along with my Wine. I concur. She also told me of various popular Brazilian dishes, weddings in Brazil, A U-Shaped house that she adored, and that I seemed interestingly different than most of the men she'd met. Hearing that never gets old, I'll have you know.

There is so much more to be said about the Jordan Table, I'll have to break it down later. If only I could remember her name (after chanting it to myself over and over again. Apparently that method doesn't work). I should be asleep. There was another meeting, then some internet lollygagging, and now this entry, and once it's done, homework. There's something to look forward to.

Memory Slipstream

Days go by.
Days go by and they fold - one into the next.
And then they fade.

Those events that take place on these days, are they really as small as they seem? Are not the tiny things we experience the ones that truly create who we are? Sure, we have those ‘defining moments’, but what are they if not a way of changing and arranging the input that we’ve built up? We trudge through the ‘grind’ in order to grate off the little slivers of being that we toss in a large pile and wait until these moments of great insight, and that is when we finally pick them up and make sense of all the little components, which until that moment sat dormant; a resource neglected.

The question is, then, what can you identify and apply properties to every sliver? Would markings no allow you a greater understanding, a better sense of place and knowing? So we have memories. These memories are stored in our massive data center, so massive it has yet to be calculated. If you have that much space, is there really any reason to erase data? If you have more room in your head than you could ever use in a life time, would you ever discard something that could be important? Do you?
Is memory truly forgotten? When we stop remembering something, is it really erased, completely eradicated from our minds? Or, instead, is it just stored away in the archives, a second that stands aside from the active portions, allowing faster travel of the more frequented thoughts? Is it still in there, somewhere, compressed and uninterruptable when we don’t have the proper decoders? Perhaps the decoders are a frame of mind? It’s these certain trains of thought that allow us to visit the past, is it not? If that is the case, could we not create a formula for all recollection? Could we tap into every memory we’ve ever formed, simply by finding out the thoughts we need to get there? It is a giant puzzle with pieces that stand directly before us…our eyes just don’t know how to see them.

Learn to look. Learn the stream.

Band of Brothers

A hazy visage appears on the horizon, trotting forward to our hovel. It is Brother Christopher, and he as returned to us for a time. Together we are at this stand reunited. Great years have passed since we have gathered as one, but it is again now as once it was. So much has changed, yet so much stays the same. Spirits are gay and festivity reigns in the air, and we see only good times ahead...and we welcome them with open arms.

Machine Dry...able?

As a follow up to the previous post, I want to mention that I did remember to put my clothes in the drier today, only to find that it sucks and I've had to run my clothes through three drying cycles now and they're still no dry. Perhaps this is punishment for my foolishness with the washing, or perhaps this new drier is just a piece of junk. I'm going back to the old one. Here's a bit of advice for you : Don't be afraid to splurge on the things you use every day. Why would you spend a bunch of money on instant entertainment like movies or say a Hibachi Grill, then buy bedsheets at a dollar store that feel like sandpaper? And I'm not even going to get into cookware. You should only by cookware once in your entire life, and that's all there is to it.

So here we stand at the gate of a new month, peering inside at all there is that could await. Will it be time for us to stand tall and change our lives radically? Will it be time for us to cower in fear of something we do not yet understand? Or will it flow slowly by and be forgotten like the rest? Tell me it won't be so. I don't want to live another day that doesn't have some sort of memory attached to it. I don't want to just go through the motions. It is not enough to just live. I need so much more from this time, this experience. Time passed will never be returned, but you cannot fret about that loss. There is only one thing to do, and that is make more of what you still have...and if you get creative, you'll find that there is much to be done.

Machine Washable

I've got this bad habit of starting to wash my clothes, and then forgetting about them. The Washing Machine doesn't have any sort of end-of-cycle signal, so I find myself looking for clothes hours later, and suddenly remembering that they're now sopping wet and disgusting. So, I restart the cycle...and I fall into it again. Maybe I go into my room to do something, maybe I take off and hit the town. I'd like to say that noticing the problem helps, but it doesn't, really. It's probably going to keep happening until I make up my mind to just sit on top of the washing machine with a book. Hey, that might not be so bad...

Eats, Good ones

My iPod is presently 10% music, 90% Alton Brown. It's a delicious ratio.

So, I slept.

And it was a bad idea. I've felt much more tired today than I did yesterday, after having been up for 24 hours. That's just dumb. But it's what I've got to work with, so here goes.

Herb Baked Potatoes:
This one is simple, obviously. Let me break it down so you can most certainly understand
Chop up Potatoes
Throw in a bag with olive oil and any desired herbs, plus garlic.
Seal and Shake
Pour Potatoes out on cooking sheet.
350-450, depending on desired crispness inside out out. Flip often.
If you're feeling antsy, hit them with the broiler until your fears melt away.

I was able to make this dish very quickly between healing on that god forsaken video game, so anyone can do it with any amount of time. Enjoy.

Oh, right, I was built this way.

I forgot that I'm not supposed to sleep. I got caught up in enjoying it so much that I forgot how much more productive I am when I don't do it. Let us use this cross examination:

Normal Day

Insomnia

Woke up at 6:30. Biked Six miles to work Worked, half asleep perptually Biked home Played WoW Went to Sleep around Midnight

Woke up on day 1 at 6:30 Cleaned up Kitchen Cooked Lunch Cleaned remainder of house Washed Laundry Ran 1 Mile Biked 6 Miles Met 5 New people at a Coffee Shop Played WoW Upgraded Cellphone to Windows Mobile 6 Installed SPB Interface on Phone Cancelled crappy mailout subscriptions Added every possible number I could to my phone Hatched a genius plan Posted on Blogger Twice Worked out And there's more to come, as my day has not ended!

Yeah, so I don't think I'm really going to sleep much anymore. I've also been waking up like I've got a purpose these days. I hate to admit that WoW has actually made me productive. I hate on it all the time, but in my attempts to not play it, I get too much stuff done. Maybe it's a necessary component of my success. If only I could focus this much without it. I need some other pleasureable leasure activity to avoid.

Barley Soup

Some time ago (months, honestly) I picked up a package of Barley after reading about its nutritious virtues, but to date I'd only made one failed dish with it (and that was mostly due to negligence). But today, that changed. I spotted a recipe about two days ago that I thought fit the bill, matching simplicity with style and few ingredients with a tight budget, and I came out with something delectable. The picture is a little poor, I admit, but that's because I only thought to take it after I'd already eaten half of it, because it's DELICIOUS. My variation involved a scant amount of white wine, allepo pepper, fresh milled black pepper, and salt. Simple. Streamline. Effective. It may not be in season, but my stomach and tongue don't know the difference. I'll be making this again, no doubt.

This Herb Baked Onion came out fairly well, also. Looks a little like a flower, wouldn't you say? It tasted good, as far as a baked onion goes, but it's not quite up my alley. If you're an onion fanatic, have at it. Slice it almost to the root, but some butter in the alleys, a little oregano/parsley and rosemary, and you're on the path to success. Wrap it in tin foil and hit it with 350° for about 30 minutes, or until the onion is reasonably tender. I sprinkled on some paprika at the end for enhancement.

I also made this casserole a few days ago, which was lackluster and only edible when loaded with spices. It needs a serious overhaul.

Turning Wheels

For a few weeks, I'd begun biking everywhere, and much prefered it to driving. However, after a week of storms and a trip out of town, I've noticed that I havn't even ridden my bike in a week, and I feel absolutely terrible. It's as if I'm betraying my body to decay. I also havn't been sleeping very much lately, which also plays into it. And now I feel tired all the time. I made a to-do list yesterday, and didn't complete a single item. This has got to change.

For the Record

Marzipan Sucks.

Alternate Interpretation

World of Warcraft make me surprisingly productive, as opposed to contrary belief. I've noticed that whenever I think about playing it, I come up with as many possible reasons as I can to not play it, and this usually results in me making a to-do list that places it at the very bottom. So, I go through and take care of all sorts of thing that I would otherwise neglect, and only then do I start playing the game. I'm kind of loving this.

As quickly as it began.

Lately I've been doing a lot of things that I've never done before, and with these new experiences come new consequences, and outcomes I've never expected. How these things work still mystifies me, and I'm so lost about how to make something of it. I find myself getting too quickly involved in romantic ventures, I suppose you could say, and it seems that such intensity can only be sustained for so long, and causes a significant deal of stress on the association, as it has not ended quite as well as I'd hoped in most cases... so, there's something to this art, something materializing in the distance that I'm striving to grasp, something others may have become so keen to so long ago...but still something I feel that every person has to find alone. You arrive at the necessary mindset for such a thing not by choice, but by force, you make the decisions you have to make, and you are pawn to them until the paradigm shift. And so it is that I am subservient until I've found a way to make sense of it all.

Chicago Style?

I've been making pizzas from scratch for a while now, but never have I made one quite like this. I tend to rush through the kneading and go straight to cooking it, which has resulted in a thinner crust for me in the past. This time around, on a friend's suggestion, I spent a significant chunk of time kneading, and my results were quite a bit different.

Behold the beast!





I allowed a friend to make the sauce, which came from a can of diced tomatoes and a can of tomato sauce, but herbs and spices. It came out a little too chunky and watery, but still delicious.

Keep your eyes open for the next pizza. I've got some ideas that I'm pretty excited about!

Pi Day!

3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716939937510582097494459

Spring Break has come for me, and it slides away as the time goes on. Back to work and school in the following days, but I sadly felt no different in any point. You could say I didn't make much of it, if you want. I think I'll say that. There's always a way to squeeze a little more out of what you've got, and I admit that I didn't go the distance. Shame on me.

Don't follow the trend.

I noticed that there was a running Tuesday / Thursday post trend, and I wanted to keep that going. Well, as you can see, I completely forgot about it on the following day, and it's been quite some time since I've been back.

Moral of the Story: Don't put it off. It will never happen unless it happens as soon as you can make it happen.

To-Do List

I decided to make out a list of things for myself to accomplish, preferably in a single day, but most likely to spill over into the next. It exists partially to remind me of the things I need to do, but also to make me feel terrible for the things I neglect. I really need to start feeling like I'm doing something wrong when I let things wither. If these things were plants, they would be turning horrible colors and shrinking, if they were pets, they would whimper and become desolate. I cannot have that. These things are my pets, and I must tend to them. There are responsibilities. I have gotten quite a few check on the list, though, and that does feel nice - written confirmation of goals reached. I like it. I intend to keep it up. I'm doing it right now. Check.

Brain Storm

So, I'm in a strange place right now, I feel.

And I just realized that I don't really want to talk about it.

It will all improve, though. It always does. Things have a way of working out, in the end, and I've got faith in that.

I meant to go biking today...and somehow I completely missed that. I've got to stop using the internet so much, it's eating up my time and I've got next to nothing to show for it.

Time slips through my fingers

So, I've done it again. I let it slide. It whisked while I was lost and spun frantically at sea, trying to find my way. Now I have returned to with my bearings and am scouring the maps for my destination. It's indefinite, amorphous, and fuzzy. It is hard to identify and hard to visualize, and that makes it so much harder to grasp. I need to add to it definition, shape, clarity...only then can I make it my own. So still my path is shrouded, but I shall find the calling and heed it, even though it does require more searching still. Whatever road it is that I end up on, though, I feel that sticking to my commitments is a major part, and as such, I must keep this up, even if I have to trick myself into doing so. So, I set it as my homepage. We'll see if it helps tomorrow.

This is...

I couldn't have hoped for it, I couldn't have dreamed. What once seemed impossibility is now my reality. I may, in the future, regret being so vague in these posts when I'm trying to recall my past. Maybe I need a more private journal for these thing. Maybe there's a way to make these things private. Maybe I'll come back in the future and explain things. But for now, my life is bliss. Now, I just need to get back to making money.

P.S. - The singer in Guitar Hero III is incredibly ugly. I can't handle looking at him.

Days Go By

It looks like you missed the whole weekend, my friend. A recap? Why yes, I can do that.

Friday is where we left off, I feel. My aim this weekend was to finish all of my homework, which was done successfully, but quite in the manner of that I went about it wasn't quite what I was hoping for. Newman and Matt were over and making a bunch of noise, and Newman kept asking me to get Daniel in town. After much harassing of Daniel and Patrick, I convinced them to drive down from Oxford. There was a lot of freezing rain that night, and Patrick's car was completely sheeted in ice. We ate some greasy Mexican food and I picked up a few brews for Patrick, who'd lost his license and was unable to acquire his own. We went out to Raven and Jay's (the Bird's) place, and watched Borat and Bring It On. Raven wanted to watch Bring It On 2, but we couldn't handle any more, but decided to Walk to Walmart (on the coldest day of the year thus far) and get Bring It On 3 (because it has Hayden Panettiere) Daniel and Patrick slipped and fell over on a bridge that had been completely iced over. I warned them on the return, so that helped them to not quite topple when returning. We lated retired to my place to sleep. It was a fun and eventful night, even if this description doesn't make it sound so glorious.

Saturday meant a great deal of change in my life, as I changed something that had been with me for nearly 8 years. Shock and Awe ensued. A friend of mine had been wanting to come over for a few days to play video games, and so a few people came out and Played Guitar Hero, Halo, Katamari, and Gears of War. The whole night progressed and pretty much that pace, until things wound down around 5:30am when Hope and Zach took off.

Sunday...hmm. I spent most of Sunday reading and doing my homework. I actually got some things done, for a change, though it took a while. I also turned down a couple potentially fun events, but I would like to commend myself for willpower there as opposed to mourning the loss. That took its toll into the wee hours, regrettably, so I'm trying to make sure that doesn't happen again.

Monday was probably the best day of my life. It's not often that you have something you've dreamed about for years and years finally become real. You have to treasure those moments that something incredible that you've yearned for is finally made yours. I got one of those things on this day, and it was wonderful.

Tuesday - Still reeling in the sensation, and trying hopelessly to pay attention to my homework. I've lost myself to it.

Nap Time

I slept too much yesterday, missed my calling. Here's a note for you : Internet Courses are inferior to physical ones. I'm just not so sure I enjoy the time benefits. Moreover, where as the conventional learning method is bad enough at retention, I feel that just reading the book and doing worksheets online is even worse, and I'm not going to know any of this stuff a year from now.

Sub Par

My brothers wanted to get pizza from Domino's for dinner, which I submitted to and chipped in. I've decided, as of this moment, that I will never make that mistake again. That stuff is disgusting and I won't have it entering my body at any point so long as I am in control of my actions. You are entitled to whatever opinion you have of the place, but I'm done with it. Yuck.

Ahhhh...

There is a wonderful feeling that you get when you finally hear something that you have been waiting to hear for a lot time. It's the same as many other pay offs after time has made them more sweet, but mine is special. This one has a flurry of emotions attached, and is no minor thing. It's wonderful, where I am right now.

In other news, I've finished the website I've been working on for the past few weeks, and I'm looking forward to finding something new to work on. I would love to get into doing some more web work, even though it can be a little troublesome at times. I feel it is a great way to meet people from almost any walk of life, as most people can appreciate having their own little home on the internet, so it's a product that can be pitched to a wide variety of persons. It's also fairly easy to do once you get the concepts down, and that's always a plus.

I feel like I've reached a funny point when I put off video games to do things that should, technically, be less fun, like working or doing homework. I would write that down as a problem, but I think it's kind of awesome, and I hope to keep it up. And in the interest of doing something fun, I think I'm going to go make some dinner. Spaghetti sounds nice and simple. Don't ever delude yourself into thinking that complexity = quality, some very simple dishes stand the test of time. Take Peanut Butter and Jelly, for instance. Timeless, Delicious. Go have one right now.

Beautiful Scenery

My elder brother and I have been working on a website for a little while for a woman that travels around the globe and writes about it for travel magazines such as Lonely Planet. I've been making flash photo galleries for it, and some of these places are just breathtaking. I'm proud of my work, but I would love to be doing what she's doing, being paid to travel and write...now that's the life. I have to find out more. But for now, you can stand at my distance and see through her lens.

Ever the Nomad - What I See

Frequency

I am still doing my best to make writing the part of my life that I know it should be. I feel that this craving for words and grammar do not just stem from wanting to get good grades on papers. Surely there is more to it, surely it is a calling for some stronger purpose. In that honor, I really am trying to keep in mind to do it every day. The desire is usually there, but I just pass it up on the guise of other things being more important. This is the flaw in my personality, the thing that will hold me down until the day that I can conquer it. I must overcome this part of me that passes up on the things I know I want to do. I must strive to be the person that I know I can become. It has to be now. Because if it is not now, then when? How long will I put off being satisfied, being proud of myself? There are not minor things to let slip by in the rush. These are things one cannot do without. And I will not do without them any longer.

Shower Time

I look forward to this more than you could possibly understand. It is so amazing and soothing, peaceful and unlike most pleasurable things, good for you. When I consider a dream house, there are two major focal points, and those are the Kitchen and Bathroom. Everything else just isn't nearly as important. These areas need to shine, to be the calling points. Perhaps it is because of the inharent beauty of water. Perhaps it's the beautiful blend of steel and stone. Whatever the case is, it draws me to no end, and it beckons me now.

I only hurt myself

By neglecting this. I put it off like I'm doing it for you. It's not the case. This is for me, and I need to keep that in mind. And now that I've but it off, I've to search desperately for the contents of the previous days...

Thursday : I parked my car under a tree downtown, and birds dumped all over it. I'll try to make a personal note to never park under a tree again. I also had an idea for an over the top device to prevent that from happening, so that trees could be planted right by the curb without worrying.

Wednesday is lost to me.

And today? I cooked for the first time in many days.

Leap of Faith

I took a step out of my comfort zone, dropped into an exciting world of uncertainty. Worry and catastrophe have begun to shimmer into view on the horizon, a chance of grave danger against which I must stand tall. Enough with idling, I feel, and if the changes must be drastic than so be it, but enough if enough, and the time has come to move forward, or fail. Will it change me? Will it make me the man I want to be? Will this be the chapter of the novel that makes the turn around?
No. I'll leave no mystery to it. This is the day of reckoning, and every day after shall tell a different tale, there will be a different mind behind this frame, and that mind will be powerful and unstoppable, and all will be proud.

Still Havn't Cooked Anything.

Another semester of school comes to full swing as all my online classes are activated and my course load doubles. I'm going to a community college at the moment that is known for having the highest profit in the state at their bookstore. That's saying something about smart marketing, I suppose. They seem to have it laid out so that you find out the exact book you need only a few days before you need to use it, so that you either have to get a book you order overnighted, or you have to shop at the school. I wonder if it gives them any trouble sleeping at night, but probably not, as their bedsheets' thread counts are probably higher than the calories in a Monster Thickburger.

And now I'm off to make use of what would seem to be a precious commodity in these lands, and hopefully secure a more interesting future because of my freshly acquired knowledge. You, on the other hand, are welcome to just idle around as much as you'd like. Someone's got to do the manual labor, and listen to the choice tunes.

Accomplishment

Do you recall that sense of accomplishment that I noted in a previous post? Well, I feel that it can get a little over-shadowed when the only feeling left after a job is the "I'm glad that's finally over" spout of passing anger and aggression. It's amazing how easy a job is with the proper tools, and how difficult it can be when you lack them. There must be some sort of device I am not aware of that crimps these little slide on connectors I had to use to fix my break light switch, though it seems to me that it couldn't possibly be that far removed from a set of pliers. Thinking like that is apparently counter-productive, and let me to a world of disappointment as I found it completely beyond my scope to call up the massive amount of physical strength do what I was CERTAIN would be an easy maneuver. As it was not such, I struggled with that path until completely fed up, and opted to put my old knowledge to use and just solder the connector to another wire, which I in turn soldered to the culprit wire. Finally, the deed is done, and my lights operate once more. So, maybe I can be a little proud that I solved the problem, but nearly as proud as I would have been if I could have done it all in an hour after having located said problem. Maybe that luxury only comes with years of experience.

There is little more I can set aside to sum up my day, beside the fact that I've been playing around with IMVU at the request of a friend. It's an interesting little program, and a very novel idea. I wish it were a little less clumsy, though. But I don't suppose you can ask for too much just yet. It seems like an advanced form of Gaia Online if you ask me.

I promised a little details on the events last night. I went to a bonfire and saw some friends, but regrettably met no one new, which is one of the things that I'm always hoping to do at a party. I love meeting new people, seeing new faces, unraveling new mysteries. That, and these fellows parties are always the same, winding up with them playing a game known as "Beer Pong" which you're free to Google if you want to know more about it - I'm not going to tell you, because I hate it.

Now, I've some work to tend to, and I haven't cooked anything worthwhile lately. I baked some potatoes a few days ago following this recipe, and those turned out well, and in a bout of laziness I combined a bunch of cans of beans and Rotel to make some manner of chili concoction that I could glorify, but will refrain from at the moment. I don't really know what's up next on the menu, but I haven't made any pizza in a while, and I'm starting to get a craving for that. So, next time : Pizza, or a Surprise! Or Surprise Pizza!

Slipping By

Time has passed and many events have streamed by...but what do I recall? What stands out? I visited an old friend's house for the first time, and it was a magnificent sight to behold. Beautifully decorated and complete with more space and rooms than their family of four needed, it was obviously more than living comfortably? My favorite feature? Probably the in-home theatre with stadium seating. Well, I would say that, execpt for the fact that the friend had a "Super Nintendo Room", which was actually the least decorated room in the house, but it consisted simply of a couch, small Tv, and a SNES. Sure, there was a drumset in the corner, but I tuned that out. Only the important things can be observed.

Yesterday...Friday...What did I do then? School, obviously...but surely there was something else? I recall having the sense that I'd not much to do this weekend. I tried repairing my little problem with my vehicle (defunkt tail lights), but had no luck. I've since made enough progress to bring that up to only being one step away from fixing, but still it torments me. So close to home, yet so far from success.

And, finally, there are tonight's events. My friends have arranged some manner of bonfire and party, which I am looking forward to. Some pictures and details of the event will be seen in the coming days.

Press Button.

Driving extremely fast is probably the most exhilarating thing I've ever done.

Gobi Manchurian

I'm making progress every day, moving ever so slightly closer to my goal, but at the same time I feel that I'm letting opportunities for great advancement slip through my fingers. I would like to boast that I'm observant, and maybe I am...but perhaps I cannot make sense of the things that I truely need to see. I need to be more spry in my thoughts.

For my friend's birthday, he requested that we make our way to the nearby town of Oxford in order to have a little taste of Indian cuisine at Maharaja. I really love the place, and the hour or so drive really isn't that bad, especially considering that I like the town and I've got a few friends living there, one of which has a wonderful condo that I love to visit. He wasn't in town at the moment, though, so that detracted from it a bit. We had quite a group, eight individuals in two cars, and we were the only people present besides two others when we arrived. For being the only Indian restaurant that I know of in almost a hundred miles, it doesn't get much business. It was delicious, and we had a great time, but now, a day later, I'm not feeling too fancy. I don't know if it's the actual fault of the Indian food or something else, but I should probably go a little less spicy in the future.

Chrono Chaos

I've slept in three different places in the last cluster of hours, and the fused periods of waking and rest have distorted my flow of time, and I am a little lost as to when I am. I feel as if days upon days have passed, some of which I recall actual events from the short periods in which I was awake, moving from one spot to another and the other tasks entailed, and then the false days that took place in my dream world, ties of events that could likely have happened but most likely never came to be. Now, here I am, finally grasping a sense of it all, and I was mounted with concerns about what I had missed. Days of work? Classes? Chances to see friends? Interestingly, missing my daily blogging is what stuck out to me the most. I think I've missed it twice for far, but I would like to think that Saturday didn't count because I was only 17 or so minutes late. My little brother has been sick and asleep in my room, and I used that as excuse to not come in and do things that I needed to do on the computer, though I could very well have set up one of the laptops in the other room, which some difficulty. I eventually did this at a friend's request, but in any event I should not have let something stand in my way. Returned I have and a short synopsis of the previous day is what I bear.

Monday marked my return to college from the winter break, which I felt was both too long and too short. I feel that I have too little to show for the amount of time that passed, but on the up side I did see friends and family that I hadn't seen in quite some time, and that does always have a nice appeal. The time for that is now passed, though, and I plan to make some serious moves in fields that I have neglected for far too long. My day flowed smoothly and I feel that I will enjoy all of my classes well. Saldy, all of the familiar faces are packed into a single class, which will hopefully open opportunities to meet new people in the others, but I doubt it. Friends are a lot easier to make when you are stretching your fingers across your existing social network as opposed to forging all new attractions from nothing. Still, that's no reason not to try.

I don't think I cooked nor really ate much of anything yesterday, which is both bad for my general happiness and well being. I didn't really care at the time, but in retrospect, I regret it. I spent most of the evening playing an old Playstation 2 game, Okami, which I expected to beat. The game sort of tricks you, though, and right when you kill the monster that you feel would be boss of the game, it laughs and tells you that you're only getting started. I guess that's a good thing, though, as people tend to want longer games these days. I just wanted a good story and enjoyable gameplay. Maybe I do have a desire for things to end fairly quickly, now that I think about it. I tend to think I'm close to the end of games when I'm about half way through them, and I wonder if that's intention on the game maker's part, or a flaw in my personality that doesn't want to do the same thing for far too long. I suppose the solution there is to swap in up, in which case I have many other things to do. I need to get back to work, for instance, and make something of the remainder of this day, once I make sense of when and where I am, stammering through the neather.

Dreamstate

I've been feeling very lethargic as of late. I've been spending a great deal of time sitting around and daydreaming, spending my time dreaming about doing things that really aren't beyond my realm of possibility, which makes me wonder why I don't just get up and go do them. I try to think that I would be more satisfied if I went out and actually made things happen in my life, actually changed things around me...but the euphoria of the dream world is instantly satisfying, and that feeling is hard to deny. Sometimes it gets to the point that I try to stop thinking about the things that I want, so that I won't get lost in those thoughts. How did I escape it today? I didn't, really. Daniel and I went out and picked up some things to make lunch. I've always felt that sandwiches and salads make for the best lunches. There wasn't much magic to it, really, we just picked up whatever looked appealing. Some baby spinach, goat cheese, sun dried tomatoes, shiitake mushrooms and bacon (Daniels favorite food, period.). And we went with my favorite dressing, Balsamic Vinaigrette. I used to eat ranch for some time, but quite honestly, I think it's terrible, and that people only eat ranch because they've never had anything better. Go try something else. There's something else to put on your salads, seriously. Just don't go for Thousand Island. That stuff looks like barf, and you can't deny it.

The Night Crew

I've a reputation for being one amoung a small number of locals that have a larger percentage of waking hours during the night as opposed to the day. I've been trying to fight that, to some extent, but I've gathered a group of troops that keep me from my bed longer than I would like. Last night the group included my little brother and four outsiders, and we set to making one of the more commonly cooked dishes here, Vegan Tacos. Surprising for my area, I feel, is the number of Vegans and Vegetarians that I run into on a daily basis. Perhaps it's just that I know almost all of them, and that's what makes them seem to have such great numbers. The Vegans are an interesting sort, and cooking for them is always simple, due to a relatively small number of ingredients in most dishes. That's not to say that Vegan cooking is always so short of complexity, but it tends to be when you're broke. So, Vegan Tacos are about as simple as it gets. We pick up some taco shells and tortillas, and a packed of Morning Star Farms Crumbles, which is a sort of ground beef substitute that has its own unique and delicious flavour. Sometimes I may even prefer it to real beef. This holds especially true when I think about things on a larger scale, and how it takes 10 calories of grain to get 1 calorie of red meat from cattle, which seems like an awfully intense waste. Anyway, that's a story for another time. Don't just eat this stuff because it frees your conscience and saves the world, eat it because it's delicious. So, basically all one does is heat up the fake meat and add seasoning. I decided to go for some bell peppers and green onions this time around, and hit it with a little freshly ground cumin seed, salt, milled black pepper and some syrian aleppo pepper that my brother brought me from New York City. The results were delicious.

Later that night, one amoung my cohorts was rife with hunger for fruit, so we made off to the store and ended our search with mangos and pomegranates, both of which I haven't enjoyed in far too long. Fruit is really amazing, and makes for the best snacks, I feel. It's a shame that there is not more supply and variety about this place, though. I really need to get out of this place. I was just reading today a list of american cities that were very well tailored to those that like to walk between their destinations, something I would love to get more of in my life, and that led me on to a list of 'green cities', one of which was, suprisingly, New York. Portland, OR also landed on both lists, and it has for some time been a place I've longed to live. I hope that won't just remain a dream for too long. I won't let it.

Interestingly Mundane.

I often debate about whether or not to write about the minor happenings of my day. The common things that I do every day, perhaps. Read a little from a magazine, read a little from my current book, ate lunch. These things can be boring if just spouted off as a series of facts, but what if there were more story behind them? I read about how the road in London aren't safe for children because there are so many busy streets that can hardly fit pedestrians and vehicles comfortably, and that while the child-auto-mortality rate there is high, it's three times as high in Scotland. I read in the book that cities are growing too fast, and aren't going to be able to sustain themselves, which holds true enough in Civilization IV. Too big to feed everyone? People aren't happy, and they're not going to work. Then where do you turn for dye when your only node is next to the bustling metropolis? You ask the guys that live in the desert? Salah al-Dīn could care less about your petty dyeing needs, he's got nations to conqure. What was the other thing? I ate lunch? Well, that really wasn't that exciting, I just had leftovers from last night. Can't really make much with that.

I ate a good breakfast for the first time in far to long, though. That was very satisfying. About as satisfying as the excercises I did afterwards, but not nearly as satisfying as the shower, or the conversation I'm going to have with a lovely friend as soon as I get done writing this.

I did some things I'm very proud of today, luckily. I've been working in Flash more at my brother's request, and I've been learning some XML along my path. I made my first little widget today, which doesn't really do anything awesome, but there's a giddy feeling you get when you put something together and it works. I love that. I wish I enjoyed programming enough to seek that out all the time. Or maybe everyone hates programming, and that feeling is euphoric enough to make up for it to them. That would make sense, I suppose.

Google is down $50 from about a week ago. I keep waiting for it to break $700, but it just keeps getting really close to victory and then edging away. Story of my life, if you consider the first post here.

My car door broke apart the other day. It literally ripped itself a sizable gash that was causing me a great deal of agony for about a week. It would get stuck when I was trying to open the door, and I would have to open another door on the car and push the broken part back out. Finally - CRAP. I forgot to give him that Air Tank. I KNEW I would forget if I got started working on the door too soon. Back track? Sure, a little. I have a go-to guy for all my repair projects, and I had this Air Tank I was going to give him. I told myself to do it before I got started, and I didn't do it. Now where am I? Back at my house with an Air Tank still in my trunk. Awesome. Anyway, back to good news - It wasn't much trouble getting the door fixed, but these really crappy clips that I had to replace the old really crappy clips with kept breaking. Again, once all the peices were back together and we'd reinforced the broken section, it was nice to see it back in place and working perfectly. Almost as nice as the aformentioned feeling with making something else that works. Building and Repairing things is kind of more awesome than anyone gives it credit for. Go build something. I don't care what it is, just make sure it does something so you can be proud of it. Or fix something. You know you've got something you've been putting off that would be wonderful to finally take care of. Go on, because you're about to be alone here. Right now.

Blackened Jerk Tilapia on Toasted Pecan and Garlic Rice with Mashed Potatoes and Salad

So, I took care of one of my standing problems and cooked a meal for the first time in a few weeks. I would like to use 'being sick' as an excuse for not being in the kitchen, but laziness is more at fault, to tell the truth. I hate when I find myself being so lazy that I'm not even doing things that I enjoy doing. I'm going to do my best to make sure that doesn't happen anymore. Tonight was the last time in a while I will have dinner with my mother as she is moving out of town, so I went with her request for tilapia and mashed potatoes. Once I got that served up it dawned on me that the dish was void any leafy greens, which are always a nice touch. So I pulled out some salad that I had as a last minute addition. My mother had a bottle of white zinfandel on hand, so we joined the dish with a glass. There is supposedly a specific wine that compliments certain elements in a dish, but I'm not familiar with these pairings. Maybe I can help you with that at some time in the future, but for the moment I've too many things on hand and not enough time, as I would have loved to have been asleep an hour ago.

Let us begin.

The turn of a New Year is always frought with tones of beginning new things, turning over leaves, but so few of us truely do these things. We make ourselves little promises that get forgotten shortly down the road. Sometimes, we even stand tall and yell "NOT THIS YEAR!" but we fall back into our cycles and it happens again. I think I know the missing element. You need community. You needs a voice in your ear saying "Don't give up, not again. You're too good for this." I'm looking for that support, and I'm looking to start some new things. This is one of them, and it starts here. Are you with me?